Different Directions
by FantasticallyFanatical
Summary: 'For a few moments they both stare at the empty stage and that's when she realises how very different the two of them are.' Jesse/Rachel. Post Season 2, pre Season 3.


A/N: So I used to write a lot. Then I stopped. Now it's nearly the new year and I want to start again, so here goes nothing. Jesse/Rachel because I can't stop myself from loving them. It's a little AU in the sense that it's set before Series 3 starts (since that's when I started writing it. Yeah, it's been a long process…)

Anyway, I hope it's enjoyable if nothing else and obviously I own nothing Wicked or Glee related.

-Stb-

No one's really surprised when Rachel lands the role of Elphaba in the local production of Wicked. The fact they don't doubt her talent is comforting. The fact they don't congratulate her is not. Her dads more than make up for it though, baking her a cake with bright green icing and buying her a custom made black hat that fits on her head like it's been there since birth. The pride in their eyes brings Rachel to tears and that's nothing compared to the reaction she gives when, the following day, she receives a letter from Shelby.

_Dearest Rachel,_

_I hope it's okay that I'm contacting you. I heard you landed the role of Elphaba and I wanted to say how proud I am of you. I never doubted your determination or your talent and now no one else will be able to either. It would simply be an honour to watch you perform, but I leave the decision with you._

_I hope you all are well._

_Yours, Shelby._

_P.S. Baby says hi._

In the envelope hidden under the letter is a piece of paper with a baby's handprint created with green paint. It makes Rachel laugh, then cry, then smile and so she frames it then mounts it on her bedroom wall.

She invites Puck over (much to Finn's distress – sometimes that boy is far too needy, she muses) to show him the latest addition to her wall (she doesn't invite Quinn, she's not sure why) and he play punches her on the arm. "You're not all bad, are you Berry."

She protests she's not bad at all but Puck simply raises an eyebrow and lounges on her bed, arms resting behind his head. He wants her to sing him a lullaby (and yes, he's already told her that he'll deny any such thing if she ever breathes a word about it) but she argues she needs to practice her performance. They compromise and he agrees to listen to her sing _I'm Not That Girl_. Part of the deal is he gives her some form of con-crit at the end only Puck falls asleep and she hasn't the heart to move him. So she sings it a few more times until she's sure she's pitch perfect. When he stirs a good ten minutes later, he sees soft tears escaping from her eyes and he asks her why she's crying. She doesn't answer (it's the lyrics – gold hair with a gentle curl – and how they epitomise Quinn, the girl that both Puck and Finn ultimately chose over her). He tells her that she couldn't sing it any better and she thanks him. They don't hug or even say goodbye, but they're aware that as they mature, they're starting to become fast friends.

She's avoided singing any of her songs in rehearsal because she's scared they're going to laugh. Even now she longs for their acceptance, their approval yet she always worries she'll never get it. Puck's the only one who's heard her and though Finn's trying to be supportive, it's not what she needs right now. Kurt does his best to fill in Glinda's part whenever he can but Blaine comes first and she can't argue with that. Sometimes the three of them hang out and there's no singing involved but as the opening night draws nearer the two boys understand her need to practice till she's perfect.

"But she _is_ practically perfect," Blaine often tells Kurt, an air of confusion marking his eyes, a look that Kurt definitely falls in love with.

"It's Rachel, practically isn't enough," he replies and Blaine wonders for a second if Kurt is mocking her but it's clear from his face that he's not and they agree that, come opening night, they're going to be in the front row cheering her on.

Will casually asks how she's getting on with all the line learning and song singing. She goes off on a tirade that's meant to show him that she's coping tremendously but actually only serves to tell him how nervous she truly is. He offers to listen to her sing and she runs through _The Wizard and I _flawlessly. He tells her so and for the first time she beams, believing that she _can_ do this (and do it well). But Will's not always around and Rachel really needs to practice so she calls the only person she can think of.

Shelby's more than happy to help and the sight of her two daughters bonding generates a warmth in her she thought only belonged in fairy tales. Together they nail _As Long As You're Mine_ and it makes Shelby ask Rachel about Finn. The lies slip out too easily and Shelby's sceptical but is content to let it slide for now. She's just happy she's got her two girls (and after all the years of striving for title upon title, she realises that actually this is all she ever really wanted).

"I hope you find what it is you really want, Rachel" Shelby tells her as they bid each other goodbye on the doorstep. Rachel can't think of anything to reply so she nods and waves goodbye, humming as she goes. When she finally reaches home, Finn's there and they sit and talk in her room until Finn remembers he's got Spanish due in for tomorrow. When he leaves she no longer feels empty without him and she worries that their end is nearing and she really doesn't know why. But she puts it out her head and falls into a content slumber.

The days draw nearer and she returns to Shelby's for a tad more tuition. Only Shelby doesn't answer the door, Jesse does.

"Oh," is about all Rachel can muster, before asking "Is Shelby home?"

"No," comes Jesse's answer but Rachel doesn't move, awaiting his extension. "She said to apologise, the baby took ill late last night and to offer my services instead."

"Is Beth alright?" Jesse notices Rachel's self-obsession has dramatically lessened and her affection for Shelby and her sister to have deepened.

"It's just a rash but Shelby takes no precautions." They share a laugh and Jesse opens the door wider, letting Rachel in. She follows mostly because she has nothing much else to do. "So do you want to get on and practise?"

"You were serious?" The shock on Rachel's face tells Jesse she clearly didn't believe him.

"Yes I was, Rachel. So, first act or second?"

-StB-

"Vocally, it's sound but your performance lacks a little," Jesse is careful over his choice of words. Since New York the two haven't spoken and call him sentimental but he doesn't want to ruin it all again just yet. "Depth."

"It lacks depth?" She tries to bathe her speech in sarcasm but it ends up sounding curious much to her annoyance.

"Yes." He doesn't start to expand until she looks him fully in the eyes. "You don't sound like you're really in love with Fiyero when you sing _No Good Deed_ and you really need to encompass the feeling of every single person out there turning against you when you hit that last verse in _Defying Gravity._"

He doesn't mean to make her cry and when faced with a tear-stained Rachel Berry, he does all he can think of and hugs her tightly. Maybe he was wrong, maybe she feels exactly what Elphaba feels. Rachel might be flying free but she's definitely flying solo and he knows more than most that it's a tougher time that you'd imagine.

"You know," he whispers through her hair, "Everyone does deserve the chance to fly. Even you, Rachel." He hopes she doesn't hear when he adds _especially you_. She does.

Jesse decides they both need and break and he brazenly raids Shelby's cupboards much to Rachel's amusement. They don't find much beyond baby food but they eat what they can and then settle down on the sofa. What happened in New York goes unspoken but they reminisce about Rachel's prom and she doesn't mention Finn once. Jesse's not here to win Rachel back but the fact she's not talking about her boyfriend can only be a good thing. He asks when the show opens; she tells him the date and he promises he'll be there, only if she wants him to be. She pauses – maybe this is too soon, too much – but then nods and tells him she wants him there.

"Finn hasn't asked to come yet," she tells Jesse blandly for reasons she doesn't know.

"I'm sure he will," Jesse tries to smile but it falters in his eyes. But he's trying to be the bigger man, the better man and Rachel really appreciates it. Jesse's matured in all the right directions and the charm that first attracted her to him is reasserting itself. Conversation flows easily again until Shelby returns home a few hours later. Rachel and Jesse can't believe how fast the hours have flown and when Rachel notices the time, she silently begins to panic (she's been setting herself a strict regime which involves a two hour wind down each night. She's already eaten in 45 minutes of it.) Shelby looks exhausted as she carries the baby in so Rachel relents and offers to help put Beth to bed. Jesse raids the cupboards again to whip something up and Shelby marvels how the two of them make quite the team but keeps the information to herself (for now. She'll tell them one day, when the time is right).

-StB-

"Jesse, are you busy?" She rings him before she even has time to think about the repercussions.

"No," he replies instantly and even if he was, he'd drop anything for Rachel.

"Can you come over?" She sounds more stressed than usual so he tells her he'll be there as soon as he can. She doesn't tell her father's he's coming and promptly whisks Jesse up to her room and sets him down on the bed whilst she paces around him.

"Is everything alright, Rachel?" He feels he should ask because from the pained look on her face, it's clear she doesn't really know where to start. He expects it's to do with Finn, so her revelation takes him a while to digest.

"They think I'm playing Elphaba wrong," she admits as she stands sour-faced with her hands folded across her chest in a manner that shouts defensive. "They said I haven't _quite found her feelings_ yet."

Jesse wants to laugh at her mock interpretation but controls himself, patting the space beside him (mostly because her pacing is close to driving him crazy.) "Maybe I can help you?"

"I don't need _help_," she snaps, quickly looking truly apologetic after. Jesse shrugs it off and smiles. He's going to have to try another tactic.

"How can you play Elphaba wrong?" This should get her talking. "Surely you, more than most people, can relate to how she feels. What about at the dance? You know what it feels like to have everyone laugh at you, to be on the outside. Rachel, you have one thing that no one else has. You have your life and you need to bring that to the role, show them that you know what it feels like to Elphaba. You have to _be_ Elphaba."

He takes her hands in his as he adjusts his position atop the bed. She looks up at him with what feels like nervousness but he continues because it feels like he's starting to get through.

"Tell me about a time you were on the outside." He can see she's hesitating and he doesn't want to push her but at the same time, he knows she needs to do this. "It's just between us, Rachel."

She sighs and takes her hands out of Jesse's to place in her own lap, fingers wringing as she begins to speak. "Brittany had this party a few weeks back and it was literally the talk of the school. I'd asked for extra money that week from my dad's to go and buy a new dress and I'd secretly made sure me and Finn were matching so that people knew we were a couple." Jesse wants to argue that there would have been no way people would have not known but he holds his tongue and simply watches her, knowing how bitter each word she speaks tastes on her tongue. "It never occurred to me that I wasn't invited. It was only because I overhead Mercedes and Tina talking in the toilets, debating whether or not to tell me, that I even found out. In the end I made it easy for them and made a big announcement in the next rehearsal, saying I was going to be busy on that date. I didn't mention the party, acted like I hadn't heard about it. No one even pretended like they cared."

He's never seen her look so vulnerable or forlorn and he wants to personally injure every single person who's ever upset his girl until he realises he's pretty high up on that list. She gives this hollow little laugh and finally turns back to face him.

"Guess I'm more like Elphaba than I thought," and the bitterness that he expected seems to have transpired to sadness. He leans in and hugs her tightly and she has to suppress all her emotions to stop herself from crying.

When he releases her, she braves a watery smile and laughs again. He smiles and gently gets off of the bed, standing by her door. "You've got this in the bag Berry," he tells her with such confidence she doesn't even register he's called her 'Berry'. "You _are_ Elphaba."

"I am Elphaba," she repeats softly and Jesse nods, closing the door behind him. Rachel lies back on her bed and finally allows herself to cry. It doesn't last for long and eventually she cries herself to sleep. Later that night her father's come up and tuck her in and she sleepily thanks them and tells them to thank Jesse too. They smile and bid her goodnight.

-StB-

_It's my first on-stage rehearsal tonight. We could meet after if you like?_

She sends it to both Jesse and Finn even though she knows it's not fair on Finn (she knows he's got a game tonight and that's why she texts him too – this way it's not like she's picking Jesse over Finn. Even though she is.) It's been a few days since she's seen him and she wants to show him that she listened to what he said; she _is_ Elphaba.

_I'll be there._

Jesse promises and true to his word, come 9:30 here's waiting in the empty audience. She smiles at him from the stage and beckons him to come and join her. When he gets close enough to see her properly, he can see how tired she is and he wants to wrap her in a duvet and send her home to bed. But of course Rachel being Rachel has other ideas.

"Can we run through _As Long As You're Mine_ please? You can be Fiyero."

"Shame, I was hoping to be Elphaba." Rachel glimpse up at Jesse who grins back and shrugs – he can't help himself. "Shall we kneel?"

They kneel and they're closer to each other than they've been in months (emotionally, physically, in every which way possible.) He touches her arm and her eyes bore into his and though they're surrounded by emptiness, neither one feels remotely alone.

"_Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight," _As she starts to sing, his hand leaves her arm and ghosts down towards her hand, where he holds it tight and squeezes it as the lyrics she sings seem to fit the two of them so perfectly. "_I need help believing you're with me tonight."_

And she does need help believing it because after everything that's happened between them, it seems so surreal that here they both are, holding hands like first time loves. But maybe that's exactly what they are. Her voice is like love in its most lyrical form and he can't quite express the overwhelming bubbling within him to tell her how much she means to him. So he sings out his heart and hope she hears it properly, that she'll realise.

"_Somehow I've fallen under your spell," _he sings, bringing his spare hand to the side of her face and her head seems to melt and mould around his fingers. This intimacy between them cannot be ignored and it scares her how truly fast her heart is fluttering.

"_Every moment, as long as you're mine,_" they finally harmonise their voices and she'd forgotten how much she used to love singing with him. "_I'll wake up my body and make up for lost time."_

Jesse seems to sing it as a promise and Rachel finds herself hoping that he does what he sings. They finish the song and she tells him she feels wicked (and she feels it so much it nearly brings her to tears) because tonight, she is definitely Jesse's, not Finn's. There's a long silence that follows as they remain kneeling, eyes locked on to eyes, her hands on his upper arms as his hold her elbows. She moves her head closer to his and Jesse's eyes flutter shut. They don't kiss but they might as well have done for the amount of unspoken tension fluctuating between them. In a rush of emotion, he leans out and grabs her, pulling her kneeling body flush against his. Her head buries itself against his chest and though she nearly suffocates, she doesn't want to face him yet.

"I wish you were mine," he whispers softly and it almost makes her heart break. Finally she lifts her head and extracts her body from his arms.

"I think," she begins, knowing that the weight of her words could be enough to break them, "I always have been."

It's a bit of a revelation because he knows she's still with Finn and as far as he was aware, the two of them were very much in love (especially if New York was anything to go by).

"Walk me home?" Rachel asks, holding her hand out for Jesse to take and he gradually gets off of his knees but never lets go of her hand until they reach her front door.

"I'll see you on opening night," he tells her and she's grateful he didn't wait for her to ask him to stay away. He knows she's got a lot to deal with at the moment – the play alone is enough but now she's got to sort out what she wants from Finn too and having Jesse around will only complicate things even further. He kisses her forehead and she blushes as she bows her head, not wanting to watch him walk away.

That night she lies awake for what feels like forever, replaying the night's event over and over again. Jesse's not asking for much, just for her to trust him and though she knows she wants to do nothing more, there's still a barrier there. As for Finn, she can't forget the months she spent longing for him to notice her – can she really throw that all away on a hope of something better? Both boys have broken her heart but right now, Jesse's the only one trying to mend it again. Sleep arrives some hours later and when she awakes in the morning, she's no more decided than she was before she slept.

It's a strange ambience in the glee club; Rachel's not really talking because she's scared if she speaks, she'll let something about Jesse slip. But with Rachel being so quiet, the rehearsal feels kind of empty and no one is brave enough to embark on Rachel-esque word vomit. Puck sidles up beside her and she manages a soft smile, much to Finn's disgust from behind the drum set. Rachel tells Puck about Beth's rash and how she put her to bed and it's not to make Puck feel jealous, it's to make him feel a part of it. As Rachel gently squeezes Puck's thigh in gentle reassurance, Finn decides he can't take anymore and strides over, sitting the other side of Rachel. She smiles and he drapes a possessive arm over her shoulders. Rachel lets him and the room falls quiet as Artie and Mercedes begin to sing.

"So when do you get to go green?" Finn asks in a whisper and Rachel begins to think she's got it all wrong, that Finn does still care. "Because if it's next week and it clashes with football practice, I don't think I'll be able to make it. Sorry, Rach."

He does look genuinely apologetic and Rachel tries to smile, telling him that it doesn't matter – she'll have plenty more opening nights for him to attend. He looks relieved to have told her and finally removes his arm from her shoulders and she watches as he absently drums his fingers on the top of his thigh. She can feel tears biting at her eyes because although she's been feeling distant from Finn, she still wanted him to be there. This is going to be a major night in her life and she wants to share it with everyone she cares for.

-StB-

It's opening night and there's a buzz so electric, everyone can feel it. Jesse gets it as soon as the orchestra start warming up and Kurt's been on cloud nine since lunch time. Rachel's nervous and she keeps touching up her make up, scared she's going to sweat it all off. She shares a quick squeeze with Lois who's playing Glinda – it's the first time in a production for both of them and they've enjoyed reaching each milestone together, making tonight the biggest one yet. And they're aware it's only a small-town show, running for a few weeks but it's a start and they've both promised each other they're not going to stop until they've made it big, made it to Broadway.

And when the two of thing belt out the notes from _Defying Gravity_, neither of them doubts that they'll meet again on some big Broadway stage, a feeling that's infectious because Kurt is stunned to silence and Will's almost teary with emotion. Jesse's bursting with pride and he squeezes Shelby's hand tightly; they can hardly believe it's their Rachel up there, singing like that but at the same time, it's like they've always known she'd get there. The general consensus is good; Glinda's got great comedic value and Rachel's making Elphaba feel so real and relatable. The male playing Fiyero is easy on the eyes but Kurt lies and says he hasn't noticed. Blaine isn't half as modest and enjoys winding Kurt up, informing anyone who will listen that he's definitely going to speak to him after the show.

In the interval Kurt manages to sneak backstage much to Rachel's delight. She squeals loudly and launches her pint sized body into Kurt's arms.

"Miss Berry, no boyfriends backstage," some exasperated voice hisses but Kurt and Rachel just laugh, running into the dressing room she shares with Lois. Rachel looks at Kurt with eager, childlike eyes and waits to hear his opinion.

"Fantastic," Kurt grins, squeezing Rachel's hands so tightly they go white. "You're so fantastic Rachel. Will's crying, Shelby's crying, it's brilliant. NYADA, here you come."

Rachel flings herself into Kurt's arms again and Kurt decides that in another life, he and Rachel would have made the perfect couple. "Here we come," Rachel corrects him and Kurt gives her a sceptical look. She's taking none of it and sticks her finger in her green paint, writing the letters Y-E-S on his forehead. Kurt's initially mortified but he finds that these days, he can't stay mad at Rachel for long. "You'd better go," Rachel glances at the clock as Lois rushes in trying to find her tiara. Kurt nods and tells her he'll meet her afterwards. Lois raises an eyebrow as Kurt leaves and Rachel grins, shaking her head. "I'm not his type," she laughs and it's clear from Lois' face that she's struggling to believe her. But it's forgotten in a flash as they're called to position and it's back in character and back on stage they go.

-StB-

"I'm speechless," Shelby admits as she hugs Rachel tightly and one of her father's looks on proudly. Her other father is at home babysitting Beth so Shelby was able to come tonight – Shelby had protested, she didn't want to be the reason her father's missed Rachel's opening night but her father stayed adamant and Shelby's never been more thankful. "You blew us all away, Rachel."

Will's next to congratulate her and he hugs her more intimately than he's hugged anyone in a while. "Make sure you don't forget your old glee club teacher when you're winning Tony's, young lady." Rachel laughs and promises she won't. Kurt and Blaine tackle her in a two-way hug and Rachel finally feels a part of something special. Her father hovers at the back – this is Rachel's moment, he has her to himself for the rest of his life – but she throws her arms around his neck, spinning him around slowly in excitement. "Was I okay?" she asks and her father can't understand how she still needs reassurance.

"You were divine, sweetheart" comes an emotional reply and he hopes that she believes him. She does but she still has one more person she needs to hear it from; the one person she can't see anywhere. She releases her father who tells her he'll meet her back at the house and Shelby notices how deflated Rachel's becoming.

"He's probably just popped out for some air," Shelby says but Rachel's not convinced. Her heart begins to sink and the tears of happiness that have been threatening to spill turn to tears of sadness that slowly escape – maybe she read it all wrong, maybe she's jeopardised what she's got with Finn for something that will never be with Jesse. But then Shelby's eyebrows begin to rise and she nods to the space behind Rachel's head. Slowly she turns on the spot and out of the corner of her eye, she sees Kurt drag Blaine outside. Rachel turns back to look at Shelby who gives her a nod of support and mouths that she'll be waiting outside. Rachel tries to swallow but her throat's too dry and everything feels like it's sticking together. Turning round, she tries to smile but her eyes prickle with tears.

"Finn," she exhales softly and he wears that daft grin as his hands get thrust into his pockets. "You came."

"Yeah," he says sheepishly, "Kurt kept going on how this was kind of a big deal for you. Sorry I missed, you know, the show."

"That's alright," Rachel says numbly as Finn looks surprised.

"You're not mad?" He scratches the back of his head and looks around for some reassurance that this was real but everyone he knows has gone.

"What?" Rachel doesn't quite hear him because she's starting to worry that Jesse's going to appear at any given moment. "How was football?"

She needs to steer the conversation away from her because she simply can't decipher what it is her heart and her brain are feeling. She feels her phone buzz against her body and she extracts it as Finn relays a play by play account of practice.

_I saw Finn in the car park, didn't fancy round two. I'll congratulate you later._

She reads it seven times over before pocketing her phone, inhaling deeply and exhaling ever deeper. She takes Finn by the hand and the sit in the now empty audience. For a few moments they both stare at the empty stage and that's when she realises how very different the two of them are.

"I think we should talk, Finn." Eventually she finds the courage to speak but Finn continues to stare at the stage and Rachel begins to wonder whether he had seen it coming too.

"Is this because I missed your show? 'Cause I am sorry Rach but it's hard to do everything for everyone all the time, y'know?" She knows completely and she takes his hand in-between both of hers and it always makes her smile because he really does have the biggest hands out of anyone she's ever met.

"I know and that's why I think it's in everyone's best interests if we cool things for a while. You need to focus on _you_ Finn, you owe yourself that much after everything you've been through." Finn finally looks at Rachel and her eyes are watering and her lips are trembling but her voice stays strong, confident. "I just think we're heading in different directions right now and I don't want to pull you in my direction when – "

"When I need to go in mine," Finn finishes for her and though she can tell he's visibly upset, he holds himself together and it cements her belief that it's for the best. And if she and Finn are meant to be then they will be, when the time is right. They sit in silence for a while just holding hands until Shelby comes in calling for Rachel. They stand and hug each other tightly and though something's ending, Rachel can't help but feel like something's beginning too.

-StB-

Jesse rings her later than evening and she has butterflies when he speaks. They analyse her performance and he asks about Finn and she tells him the truth.

"We're going in different directions," she tells Jesse and it's only now that her voice breaks and her tears fall. Jesse hopes she hasn't done this for him; he doesn't know how long he's going to be around and he can't be everything she needs (even though he wants to be).

"You should be proud of how strong you are, Rachel" Jesse wants to ask what direction she thinks the two of them are heading in but it's the wrong time, the wrong place and right now, it's abut Rachel, not him. "You really are Elphaba."

"I am, aren't I?" Her voice is barely a whisper down the line but Jesse hears it all the same. (He thinks that somehow, he'll always hear her.)

"This is only the beginning for you Rachel, you've got the talent to go all the way." There's no wavering in his voice, just concrete confidence and though she shouldn't need any reassurance, not after the performance she gave earlier, when Jesse tells her she can do anything she really believes she can.


End file.
